Well after the accolades received for my maiden blog I thought it only right that you people should be treated to another slice of delicious regalement cake (if you're interested, the 3 layers of the "torta" are enlightenment, truth, and that really stodgy stuff that seems to be found in all colombian dishes).

You may notice a little tension in my e-voice, as I arrived at the bus station 5 hours too early for my 16-hour bus ride home to Bogota. I actually don´t feel in the mood for writing this (quick disclaimer regarding the poor quality of the troublesome "second blog") but the only other option is to return to my crossword Young friends (9) ....anyone?

I´m gonna run out of lame ideas soon, but here goes....

For each of the following, choose the correct statement: (anyone scoring over 85% will receive a free "I survived Bogota" T-shirt)

1. In my first blog I failed to mention that:

a) I forgot to have my Yellow Fever jab and subsequently spent a week in a Hospital Bed
b) while dancing in a club, only 150m away, a bomb went off
c) I appeared in a local television advert as a German Accountant



ANSWER:

b) someone hadn´t paid their dues and the local "security" sent them a reminder.



2. Last week I bought:

a) a plane ticket to New York for Christmas and New Year
b) a teaching stick (used for pointing at far away equations and shapes on the board)
c) a heart rate monitor, which, if adjusted correctly, can measure the temperature of your nipples



ANSWER:

a) sod all this "getting to know a new culture" - who doesn´t like a big tree?


Since being here I have lost:

a) a dog
b) my glasses, my phone and numerous overdue bills
c) my innocence



ANSWER:

b) at least you know any money sent over won´t just be wasted on alcohol



4. The first Colombian we encountered whilst holidaying in Cartagena was:

a) Johnny "the best charlie man on the coast", who has a relative living in Moorgate
b) Micky "Red eyes", who has a relative living in Maghull
c) Remi "The Fixer", who once lived in Bootle



ANSWER:

a) again, mum and dad don´t worry..........we shopped around before making any impulse purchases *



5. Whilst watching England defeat France in the rugby on Saturday, I was informed that part of growing up as a costeño (male who lives on the coast) involves:

a) being sent to the countryside to have relations with a female donkey (fine ass, sorry)
b) taking part in a fighting match with one of your peers, which only ends when one of you is laid unconscious
c) embarking upon a pilgrimmage to Panama



ANSWER:

a) allegedley, 85% of all males go through this rite of passage, although the stats have not been supplied by Opta.


6. As an alternative to getting drunk one weekend I:

a) made a short film called "mathmatica" about a crime solving maths teacher
b) painted my bedroom walls a soothing sky blue
c) went to farm with a friend and ate freshly killed rabbit



ANSWER:

c) friend at work has mates who own a farm/piece of land where you´re welcome to stay if you want to lend a hand, its a in a really beautiful setting



7. In two weeks I will be starting a short course in:

a) massage therapy
b) wine making
c) preparing sushi



ANSWER:

c) for about 40 quid a restraunt owner is gonna give us four/five 2-hour lessons, with all food included - can´t wait.


Right thats your lot. Can people please stop trying to access the rest of the story below....

* this is a joke.