Right, let's lay down the ground rules. I won't be documenting every little thing I do ("today I found a cashew nut in my jeans pocket whilst doing my washing....."). This is basically a replacement for sending emails to my family. Most likely this will be my first of about 3 "posts" (terminology like blog and post make me uncomfortable) this year. Rather than a diary, i will offer up a sliver of my life which will illuminate the otherwise dull existence of it's receivers. De nada.
Story so far......
I thought I'd write
this bit in Stars Wars
style. The whole process of
reading this drivel will be helped
by you humming the tune. OK, turned up to
my first day at school without a working visa (apparently
it is an essential document when working abroad). Basically,
when they said "bring your documents to the Colombian consulate"
I naturally presumed they meant the consulate in Colombia - we all make
mistakes. Well, apparently not, as i was only one out of 12 who subsequently
had to fly to Quito (Ecuador) for a week to resolve the problem whilst the remaining
"competent" teachers drank cocktails and bought superfluous household items with their new
bank accounts. Quito verdict: full of Americans, nice parks, efficient visa office, beware of second-hand books
with the last chapter not printed properly (like chatting to a woman for two hours when suddenly she throws in the line: "my boyfriend likes football too" - just walk away ). My energy levels are dropping..........................
Due to logistical problems above I'm gonna cease Star Wars style and move into a section into that I like to call "What's HOT! and (you've guessed it) What's NOT!"
HOT: having my own apartment and maid. Although I'm sure my "special" drawer wasn't organised into alphabetical order before....
NOT: Living next door to a guy with an acoustic guitar, who has a penchant for Latin-folk
HOT: Tiendas. (shit bars). Basically low maintenance buildings with plastic chairs selling bottles of beer for 30p. The one way we frequent sells the best empanadas. Forget frazzles, forget pork scratchings, even forget mini-cheddars (if only for a fleeting moment) empanadas are the ultimate bar snack. Like a mix between a pastie and a microwavable stir fry, although they do appear in many different guises and flavours.
NOT: The Chinese avocado selling woman who rolls past my window at 8.00am every morning and again at 1.17pm. She's basically a mobile and less endearing version of the fellas who sell the echo in town, garbling something about "2 for a peso". is garbling a verb? According to Colombian folk lore, if killed she would only multiply.
HOT: walking everywhere (well apart from the school bus and cheap taxis to bars)
NOT: The foot deep potholes in the road. It's literally like that scene from Ghostbusters when the shit hits the fan just before the marshmallow man is smoned (i think americans call it mallow) when the streets are being torn up.
HOT: the kids at school are class, as you would expect when working in a private school. Its the little things that make me smile. For example, instead of some under-nourished pallid retard screaming "sheep -ed, sheep-ed, sheep-ed" in my face I have kids saying "good morning, Chris".
HOT: playing football on a Friday with mountains in the background. First game was literally half-way up a mountain (although technically Bogota is cut into a mountain, so just further up the mountain), hadn't ran for 2 months, tried to make a good impression by bombing down the wing (without the ball, obviously) only to nearly have a cardiac arrest and basically leave the door open for the first of many goals i will be shipping this season.
HOT: my joke:
What's the healthiest meat?
A: Cured ham
HOT: Colombian clubs. Cha Cha's is the new DQ.
NOT: Music in the clubs, although danced to Rhythm is a Dancer last week
NOT: You bunch of retards spelling Colombia as Columbia.
(N)HOT: Getting drunk on a dancing bus
HOT: Tejo, the Colombian version of darts. Swap dart for round 3kg metal weight and swap dart board for tilted wooden crate covered in clay with tiny explosives resting on the surface. KABOOM!! It's much fun, well not for the Colombians when limp wristed English women (and welsh men) are looping pieces of iron 2 inches from your face.
sorry, bit of a long one due to it being the first. Other things of note, went to a wedding in a beautiful town a few hours away, went to a jazz festival (one band playing in a park), have found aguardiente (local Colombian tipple, gives you the worst headache), booked me flight to cartagena for a fortnights time, err....taking Spanish lessons with a lady called Norma and having a couple in school as well. Basically, its the same old routine at the moment, working like a puta, then crawling in at 5 in the morning saturday and sunday, something I'm unsuccessfully trying to break out of.
